Monday, November 27

After cried heavily last night. My Painful Failures Story.

I woke up so suddenly at 3.00 am and then did my assignments. It was after I cried heavily last night. Like a child right? I was in a deep sadness and sorrow just by looking at the photos in facebook. I failed again and again. I was not selected to join an amazing program. And now I started to doubt myself, am I a failure? I was so embarassed to get failures again. I was so sad. I cried heavily and contemplated, 2017 gave me so much tears. I failed in so many programs that I dreamed of.

Maybe it was because I always looked up and less in grateful. Life is long, Ky. I managed to soothe myself since I had no one to calm me down. I cried alone. I felt really lonely. I was too embarassed to share this story to anyone even to my dear friend, “There’s a side which you never wish to show others… no matter how close you are with them. Sometimes, your family can be the least close people to you. When I decided to follow my dream, I thought my life would be like walking through a dark tunnel. But I didn’t know it was going to be… this dark. I didn’t know it was going to be this lonely.” – Yoon Ji Ho, Because This is My First Life. And I agree with that quotes. And I had only Allah for now, my God, to share and to complain all of my sadness and sorrow.

Life is long. Move on. You failed, you cried, and nothing will happen, you can't change anything. Because of this, I look like lose my confidence, lose myself. By the way they looked at me, it really hurt me, it killed me inside, it made me felt bad, and I was wondering, were there something wrong with me? Everyday likes hell, I had a hard time in there. I was loosing myself, I was not like my old me, who was a cheerful girl. But, am I overreact or thinking negatively?

I must move on. Life goes on, with or without me. Right now, I just want to be relax after got this pain. I have my parents that I want to make them proud and happy. I have my siblings that I want to support.

Life is long. One door closes, anothers open. Keep the spirit, Ky. Study and pray more. 

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