Monday, July 1

Assalamualaikum July 2019 | Reflection of the first half of 2019

Assalamualaikum my birth month. Bismillah, I am praying to God, Allah SWT, hope everything will be fine. Hope I will still be loved by people aka my family, friends, acquintance, colleagues, and etc. Hope I will not make anybody sad, upset, or hate me. But, I just realized, those things are out of my control. And what I have to do actually is breathing, relaxing!!!

The first half of 2019 was surprisingly indescribable. I felt many strong and mixed emotions ranging from angry, sad, happy, and etc. I guess most people are experiencing it too. But, I still made mistakes. I keep worrying about things. Problems are here and there. There are also challenges and decisions. And that's life.

Today, I felt terrible. Hmm. I do not know exactly how many times quarter life crisis already attacks me and caught me off guard. This quarter life crisis attack hits me many times unexpectedly. I keep thinking in a wrong way. I keep worrying. This is bad. I should stop. I should do something about this.

The first half of 2019 summarized:
So, I failed, many times. Big deal. Accept it.
So, I am scared of being hated or judged. Big deal. Deal with it. Well, don't be scared.
So, I always feel that I stupid, I know nothing. Still have problem with confidence and self esteem.
So, I was being treated poorly. Big deal. Not only me who experienced that. On top of that, I still have million things to be grateful for.

I keep thinking about many dunya business, which are very exhausting and endless.
I think I want to give up.
I just want a simple life.
But, there are too many distractions and temptations.
I must learn on how to decide wisely and be brave and confident about my decisions.

I have to change my mindset to a right one.
I should stop all the madness of my insecurity, anxiety, fear, worry, and etc.
Allah, please guide me My Lord. You are the only one, who knows.

For you, readers, who might experience the same thing like me, I pray you all the best. Hope Allah will always protect, love and guide us:).

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